LOVE UNTIL IT HURTS NO MORE

Love until it hurts no more. Every person that was hurt beyond measure will surely raise their eyebrows when they hear this line. Them, whose hearts were admonished by the person that they least expected to do it. Them, who cried a river day in and day out in an attempt to wash away the sadness and pain that they were battling deep inside. Them, who trusted so much and who ended up faced with the reality that their trust became broken pieces of edged glasses that were just too difficult to put back together again. Them, who gave their all in the belief that it will be enough to gain the same or more than what they were giving.

Them.

Us.

You.

Me.

Love until it hurts no more. It is a challenge to every selfish human nature that is threaded in the deepest part of the human self. No normal person wants to be hurt. Pain, by definition, is any unpleasant feeling, and following the Pain-Pleasure Principle, individuals avoid pain and gravitate more towards what is pleasurable. So why wait until it hurts no more when you can always stop loving when the first sign of pain is already at hand?

In the years of my existence, and don’t get me wrong, I haven’t reached my centennial age yet, I’ve seen my hopes as they went high and low. Some of it were thrown out of the window and opened the door for despair to come inside and dwell. I’ve seen myself drowned in tears, and sometimes, faced the mirror while the river of anguish wet my whole face. I said, “I can replace Rudolph with my red nose already.” Wiping my tears, I uttered to myself how terrible I looked and even promised that I will never let anyone hurt me again, especially if it is because of love. I can still recall how I made that self-promise over and over again, mostly after a heartbreak. But guess what? I still fall for someone. I guess the pain was not that severe to make me stick to my decision or promise. And the cycle starts.

Loving until it hurts no more is not an easy task because along with our actions to love, comes our expectations that our love will be reciprocated in a way that is favorable to us. We may verbally say that we don’t expect anything in return, but deep within our unconscious realm, is the desire to have that love be returned with the same or even greater than what we gave. Who doesn’t?

The feeling of being loved often brings us overflowing and unexplained joy. But as days passed, we become so accustomed to the kind and intensity of love that was given to us that we no longer see it the way we saw it the first time that we encountered it. And so we begin to eye on the lapses and imperfections of that love. We begin to compare the efforts that we exerted for the person and the efforts that that person exerted for us. By the moment that we notice even a slight difference, sometimes, and sadly it does happen, we start waking up our egoistic self and feed it with the notion that we are getting less than what we deserve. And so we begin to ask for more in order to make that love equal to what we are handing over to the other. Least did we know that what that person was giving was already his all.

We can’t force anyone to love us. We can’t force them to love us the way that we love them. Love, by its nature, is free and unconditional. Yet the latter words are so easy to say but difficult to transcribe into actions. And until we learn and understand that basic principle of love, our expectations will keep on hitting the highest hill of our minds and hearts and disappointments will come rolling down like glaciers. Eventually we will get hurt.

Admitting one’s trespasses is not the easiest or the most pleasing thing to do. It’s individually more acceptable to point fingers and make others acquire the mistakes that we wanted to believe to be their responsibilities. Because truth is, we love for so many reasons. We don’t love just because we wanted to love – purely, freely, unselfishly, and unconditionally. We love with so much expectations tailored at the end of every I love you. We love with so many buts and so many ifs. And when those conditions are not met, we get hurt.

Loving until it hurts no more is not about finding the right one; rather, it is becoming the right one for whoever we find along our journey and for whomever we decide to share our life and love with.

Love encompasses a lot of things, but in contrary to the view that love is a very complex matter to understand, it actually is the simplest. What makes it complex are our desires, especially those that are only pointed directly and solely to ourselves.

Learning and repetition often share a direct relationship with each other. Loving until it hurts is not easy, but repeating the act of loving even if it hurts is the only way that we can thoroughly grasp what love really is.

So, love more. Love harder. And continue to love until it hurts no more.

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