LOVE UNTIL IT HURTS NO MORE

Love until it hurts no more. Every person that was hurt beyond measure will surely raise their eyebrows when they hear this line. Them, whose hearts were admonished by the person that they least expected to do it. Them, who cried a river day in and day out in an attempt to wash away the sadness and pain that they were battling deep inside. Them, who trusted so much and who ended up faced with the reality that their trust became broken pieces of edged glasses that were just too difficult to put back together again. Them, who gave their all in the belief that it will be enough to gain the same or more than what they were giving.

Them.

Us.

You.

Me.

Love until it hurts no more. It is a challenge to every selfish human nature that is threaded in the deepest part of the human self. No normal person wants to be hurt. Pain, by definition, is any unpleasant feeling, and following the Pain-Pleasure Principle, individuals avoid pain and gravitate more towards what is pleasurable. So why wait until it hurts no more when you can always stop loving when the first sign of pain is already at hand?

In the years of my existence, and don’t get me wrong, I haven’t reached my centennial age yet, I’ve seen my hopes as they went high and low. Some of it were thrown out of the window and opened the door for despair to come inside and dwell. I’ve seen myself drowned in tears, and sometimes, faced the mirror while the river of anguish wet my whole face. I said, “I can replace Rudolph with my red nose already.” Wiping my tears, I uttered to myself how terrible I looked and even promised that I will never let anyone hurt me again, especially if it is because of love. I can still recall how I made that self-promise over and over again, mostly after a heartbreak. But guess what? I still fall for someone. I guess the pain was not that severe to make me stick to my decision or promise. And the cycle starts.

Loving until it hurts no more is not an easy task because along with our actions to love, comes our expectations that our love will be reciprocated in a way that is favorable to us. We may verbally say that we don’t expect anything in return, but deep within our unconscious realm, is the desire to have that love be returned with the same or even greater than what we gave. Who doesn’t?

The feeling of being loved often brings us overflowing and unexplained joy. But as days passed, we become so accustomed to the kind and intensity of love that was given to us that we no longer see it the way we saw it the first time that we encountered it. And so we begin to eye on the lapses and imperfections of that love. We begin to compare the efforts that we exerted for the person and the efforts that that person exerted for us. By the moment that we notice even a slight difference, sometimes, and sadly it does happen, we start waking up our egoistic self and feed it with the notion that we are getting less than what we deserve. And so we begin to ask for more in order to make that love equal to what we are handing over to the other. Least did we know that what that person was giving was already his all.

We can’t force anyone to love us. We can’t force them to love us the way that we love them. Love, by its nature, is free and unconditional. Yet the latter words are so easy to say but difficult to transcribe into actions. And until we learn and understand that basic principle of love, our expectations will keep on hitting the highest hill of our minds and hearts and disappointments will come rolling down like glaciers. Eventually we will get hurt.

Admitting one’s trespasses is not the easiest or the most pleasing thing to do. It’s individually more acceptable to point fingers and make others acquire the mistakes that we wanted to believe to be their responsibilities. Because truth is, we love for so many reasons. We don’t love just because we wanted to love – purely, freely, unselfishly, and unconditionally. We love with so much expectations tailored at the end of every I love you. We love with so many buts and so many ifs. And when those conditions are not met, we get hurt.

Loving until it hurts no more is not about finding the right one; rather, it is becoming the right one for whoever we find along our journey and for whomever we decide to share our life and love with.

Love encompasses a lot of things, but in contrary to the view that love is a very complex matter to understand, it actually is the simplest. What makes it complex are our desires, especially those that are only pointed directly and solely to ourselves.

Learning and repetition often share a direct relationship with each other. Loving until it hurts is not easy, but repeating the act of loving even if it hurts is the only way that we can thoroughly grasp what love really is.

So, love more. Love harder. And continue to love until it hurts no more.

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WHY?

tPonr6K          We wake up in the morning and complain that it is too early to get out of bed. We go to work and come home with resentments over the piled up paperworks and tight deadlines and expectations set by the company. We get our paycheck and whine that it is not enough for all the efforts exerted and even swear for the denied salary increase that we’ve been fighting for years.
We go to the mirror and fret how our hair looks so dry, why our straight hair is not curly and why our curly hair is not straight. We gripe how our skin remained so dark or so white; how our legs are not that long, how we cannot get our body into shape or why we are so fat and why we are so thin.
We growl why we don’t have the abs and the muscles, and why there is just too much of it going on in our body. We become pissed why we cannot buy a stick of cigar or a bottle of beer; we get frustrated when we lose in PVPs or when we don’t get enough EXPs. We complain why we look so young and why we look so old or why we grow not as tall as we wanted to.
We sit in the table and rallied why we are eating fish and vegetables instead of meat; why a mango and not an apple; why bananas and not grapes. We frown when we can’t get our favorite chocolates and why the ice cream is melted; why the chips is becoming a bag of air and why the soda’s price increases.
We complain why our shoes is not like Kobe’s and why our clothes is way beyond the latest trend. We are annoyed that they are already old and why we are not yet having a new pair of shoes and jeans.
And while we are so busy rallying about these petty things, did we even ask ourselves if it is even worth the time and energy that we wasted on it. As we cavil about how we perceived how deprived we are of the things that we wanted, people out there are crying over matters that they needed – family, home, food, faith; life.
When the bombings destroy the very shelter where they can feel safe, they have nowhere else to go but to find an escape where they can hide and hope that they will still have the chance to see the sun shining the next day.
While we are killing ourselves for promotions and achievements and neglect the people around us, out there, there are those who would kill just to be with their families and loved ones. While we are stepping over our conscience of killing an innocent child because of unwanted pregnancy, others out there are lamenting over the loss of their children who were taken by force, away from their arms of custody.
While we complain why we have to pray and go to church, or why our religion has rules and traditions, men and women out there are praying to have that opportunity especially when faith is all they can rely to when everybody else around them is losing track of what is right and what is wrong. And while we are so busy complaining why life is so difficult, some people out there are dying to grab that difficult undertaking just to live…

THE EVERYDAY BATTLE

Mulan-QuoteThing is, when you have been betrayed, hurt, put down, and mistreated repeatedly, it tend to cloud your senses. You eventually hold on to the fear of feeling and undergoing through the same commotions over and over again at the slightest possible sign of it. Even if some people are trying their best to show you different, you find it hard to see it as it is.  For the fortunate ones who haven’t received the blows or those who easily overcame the experience, they call it a pessimist’s call; but for those whose hearts are still shattered, it is a constant struggle to wake up and face the day with the absence of worries.  And like most battles, they are doing it not only for themselves, but because they know that other people will also live a better life when they come out victorious from their battle grounds  – their own selves.